Ok, so I need to express my emoness

If only for a little bit tonight.

I feel like my life has very little meaning right now. Nothing is playing into some great plan, some master scheme. Sure, I'm saving money for a big trip, which I guess is a grand plan. But I get very little fufillment out of it. At least I got some fufillment from school, I got regular days off, and I was learning how to live life, and how to prepare for college. Now? I don't know.

I feel very adrift, might be a better way of putting it. Not grounded at all. What I spend the vast majority of my time doing is very incidental to my life as a whole. I do nothing but work these days, and yet I could care less about my work. I cared about school, about my social life, hell, about my computer games. I don't care one bit about my jobs. I just want to get their money and go. In two or three months I'm gone. Bouncing around from one thing to the next, trying hard to keep myself busy in order to forget, I having nothing that matters to me in my life.

I would give the world to go back to the Ned Lamont campaign, though that's a whole post and a half in itself. At least there I went to bed at night knowing I had done something that day. Today, I go to bed longing for Shayne, for the past. Occasionally for Europe or Asia. But never feeling satisfied from a good day's work.

I wish I could do something about this. I wish I knew how to begin to do something like this. Maybe try to find meaning in what I do? I tried, but my coworkers' cynical attitude has ruined that for me.

I just want to get better. I wish I had the help for me to do so.