Macalester

I started this Macalester Class of 2012 group because I felt left out last year. Everybody on the class of 2011 group was so excited to go, and I knew I was an impostor. I wasn't going to be class of 2011, and to top it off I wasn't even all that excited; obsessed, maybe, or somewhere in between anxious and disappointed. Macalester was my 5th or 6th choice school. It was a good fit, but too small, a little too hippie-granola for my tastes, and too international. Anyway, I thought maybe a Class of 2012 group would allow me to meet others who had deferred, or who were excited about applying. There were so many people so thrilled to go in the Class of 2011 group, maybe I could experience that with people who would be in my grade.

But no. For a long time the group was dead. It seemed there were no other deferrals who wanted to talk about their gap years, or wanted to talk about Macalester. I forgot about the group, dejected. Then a few days ago I decided to check in randomly, and lo and behold Macalester had released it's early admission letters a few days prior. There were ten members. Now I've got sixteen future classmates, with twenty wall posts, everybody thrilled to be going to Mac.

I've had many points over the past year when I wished I had taken an alternate path, when I've wished I had just said fuck it and gone to Macalester. To have broken it off early with Shayne, to not have to worry too much about money, to be around lots of people my own age, maybe even start a new relationship: it sounds ideal. But then I wouldn't get to go to Mongolia. This trip will be worth it, dammit. I will make it so. At least, it better be.

But now, for once, I'm feeling something resembling contentment: I'm ok with where I am. I can look forward to Macalester without regretting my decision to stay here. I may want to just get to Mongolia, get to Minnesota, just get the hell out of this life. But in the meantime, when I'm brooding over what could have been, I can facebook stalk a few of my future classmates, and daydream about snowy classes, friendly roomies, and maybe even a co-ed or two.