Shayne sent me a Facebook message today. She was apparently pissed that I said I was disappointed I wasn't "fucking Shayne." That's fair I guess. I'm sorry. I get crude to depersonalize things, to make it seem less important than it really was.
But as a result, all day she's been in the back of my mind. The thought that she still, months later, reads this blog -- well, it's kinda weird. A little exciting, a little off-putting. I really wish I could get this girl out of my head. Time isn't really working that well.
Jennings' new girl looks and seems just like Shayne. It pisses me off that he gets to start a relationship like that, while I'm trying to get over one. And nothing is really working.
No longer does she drive me crazy, exactly. The thought of her loss and what we could have had doesn't bother me that much anymore. She's more like a song that's stuck in my head. I see something, I think of her. I hear something, I think of her. I can go for hours without thinking of her, but rarely do I go a day without imagining what she would think of some joke I thought up, or how she loved penguins, or how she would call me baby.
It's not obsessive like it used to be. Recently I've even gained the self control to actively attempt to stop thinking about her when she pops into my head. It rarely works though.
This is why I stopped talking to her. If we were still talking, these thoughts would be so much more difficult to control.
Maybe I'll call her mom when I get my phone (with its contacts list) back. Just to see how she's doing. I miss her, alot. I try hard not to, but it seems I can't control it, and I don't know how to curtail it. It's frustrating how much I miss her. It gets better, then worse, then better, then worse. Right now it's worse.
Maybe just knowing how she's doing will help alleviate this distress. Who am I kidding, no it won't. Hell, maybe I'll just give in this once, just because. Besides, I miss her mom too. She was really sweet to me, like a second mom. I could use her advice right about now.
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