A good day?

Real quick, since I do want to go to sleep.

Today I noticed for the first time in a while, I was coming up with comebacks, joking around, cursing, and generally feeling accepted, like one of the guys. When I was cleaning up with the two people who were, until recently, the only two other males at the store, we were laughing, telling dirty jokes, and generally just getting along great. It felt good. I need to learn how to do that more often.

Might another thought of mine just interject here however? The above paragraph, while encouraging, pisses me off. I'm tired of having to relearn over and over again how to interact with people. Twice now I've gotten depressed, and twice now I've had to completely remake my persona. And it's a lot of work to craft a persona! How the hell did it get to a place where I have to learn how to be happy? I'm JOLLY dammit. I am the freaking living god of happiness. What the hell happened?

And if this is all in my head, then how the hell did I let this happen?

I can't let this happen again. Let's learn again how to live my life feeling satisfaction and joy, and then lets learn how to never forget it again.