Am I ready?

Shayne's been on my mind alot lately, but in a good way. Maybe.

My newfound appreciation of life has left me feeling very much like I did before I became depressed, and lately I've been thinking "well, the only thing that's missing is Shayne!" For weeks whenever this question comes up, I've just said, "well, a few more weeks," but now I'm wondering if it really is a matter of a few weeks until I ask her.

Clearly things are much more complicated than that, but really, I've begun wondering if maybe I'm healthy enough to consider asking Shayne out on that "First Date: Redux" I proposed in some grief-stricken stupor a while back. Would I be ok if she rejected me? Is there any chance of it going well? What if she just wants to be friends again? What if my schedule gets in the way?

Sooo many questions, too few answers. That's why I really wanted to talk to my shrink, to talk to him about this.

She's been on my mind quite a bit, but it's no longer a torturous thought. Today I thought about her so much, I actually got sick with nervousness. I'm not sure that that's a sign that this isn't a good idea, however. When I think about her, I'm not thinking about the past anymore. I'm thinking about the future, about the potential that's there. I'm excited. I don't mourn anymore. Is it so bad to think about a person like this? After all, I would be so excited/nervous whenever I thought about Shayne in the beginning of our relationship. Maybe it's normal to be thinking about someone alot, and getting all worked up about someone, when you like them and you think there may be a shot?

Of course, there is the matter of time. I'm leaving in under two months now. We'd have a month, month and a half at best together, and even then my schedule's not that great. Would it be worth it? Would she think it would be worth it? I say, I wouldn't mind enjoying it while I can, but I'm not sure she'd want to get her heart broken again when I leave.

I can't wait to talk to Dr. Freedman about all this.