High Pressure Area Moving in From Canada

I don't want to give Rui credit for turning me around, but ever since he talked to me, and I thought about what he said, and I talked about my thoughts with my psychologist, I've been feeling alot better. More... comfortable with myself, and my situation in life. It's hardly an ideal situation, but it's not an awful one either. Truth be told, I have alot going for me.

Today was really nice. I got to sleep in, which made my life feel so much better. I think I might try to get to bed by one each night, instead of two, so that I can feel this good all the time. When I got to work, I sampled for forty five minutes straight. Normally I'm ready to collapse after ten minutes. Then, after my break, I just got really aggressive in my sales. I broke through, and instead of just showing people product, I began to actually sell to them. And the whole time I felt good about myself. I was laughing and joking around with my coworkers, and while I may have been quiet compared to some of them, compared to how silent I normally am I felt like I was just one of the gang. It felt good.

And then I went out for dinner with friends, and felt accepted. I enjoyed being with them, I enjoyed talking with them, joking around with them. I wasn't sad at all (except when the conversation turned to how Shayne and I broke up, of course).

The best part of today? I actually felt joy every now and then, something I have missed a great deal these long months.

It got me thinking in the past hour or so that maybe I should see if I could tolerate being around Shayne. Who knows, maybe I could reignite something. But I need to keep my head on straight about this. That will not happen. It simply wouldn't work. I feel stronger than I have in months, and I can't risk slipping up again. I've made too much progress. In a few weeks? Maybe. But a few days of happiness does not a recovery make.

I've gone from hurricanes to thunderclouds to grey skies, and finally, finally, I can see the sun shining through the clouds. It's still cloudy, but it looks like there's a lull in the storm; I can't tell exactly, but it may be passing. God I hope so.