Now psychologist-approved!

So I went to see the shrink again for the first time in a month.

I had flaked on my last appointment, and he had sounded pretty pissed at the time. I was seriously worried that he secretly hated me, and was just listening to me bitch in order to get paid.

Good news: either he really doesn't mind me, or he's a good actor, because I felt like we were back on track today.

And, he said not only was ignoring my insecurities healthy, it's the key to happiness. (At least according to Zen Buddhists. I should really pick up that Zen Buddhism book at Teavana.) So now I don't have to feel guilty about, well, anything that isn't my fault. Like feeling guilty about feeling guilty. That shit needs to stop. When you're apologizing for your mere presence, as I have been known to do, you know you have a problem. The solution, oddly enough, is to just stop caring so much. Stop caring that you're awkward, and annoying, and meek.

This is the revelation for me: You can keep on feeling like you're awkward, or a burden, or hopeless. Just so long as you don't let these thoughts take over, just so long as you don't care too much about these facts. Am I a lazy unappreciative fat ass who has a really hard time with women and fucked up the one great relationship he's ever had? Oh yeah, that's me. I just need to be able to say, that might be true, but I'm still a good person. And I'm getting there.